


How to accept... or not

by barefootmemories



Series: How To... [5]
Category: Running Man RPF
Genre: Angst, M/M, Romance
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-01-31
Updated: 2015-01-31
Packaged: 2018-03-09 21:35:53
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,203
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3265151
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/barefootmemories/pseuds/barefootmemories
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Gwangsoo doesn't want to lose Jongkook as a friend, but he messes it up anyway.</p>
            </blockquote>





	How to accept... or not

**Author's Note:**

> So, this is the fifth part of my How to... series! I hope you'll like it!
> 
> Also, not proofread or anything... yeah...

Gwangsoo had thought long and hard about the reasons why Jongkook had been acting the way he had the past month. He had twisted and turned every possibility, searched through every memory file in his brain and watched every move of the other to try and figure it out, laying awake at night feeling frustrated, angry and sad since he couldn’t come up with any logical reason and thus had concluded the other had just grown tired of him… deemed him worthless.

But never, in a million years, had he ever expected the reason to be love. It was silly how relieved he actually felt to know Jongkook had only acted the way he had because he thought he loved him.

“That’s it?” he managed to ask incredulously after a few beats of silence in which he had stared at the other blankly, watching him fiddle with his fingers nervously and his leg jump up and down as he waited for his reaction.

Jongkook flinched slightly, looking like he had prepared for something a lot worse than just a simple question. Then he frowned questioningly as he lifted his head from its position on the backrest to look at him.

“What do you mean ‘ _that’s it_ ’?”

“You’ve been an ass just because you think you’re in love with me?” Gwangsoo elaborated.

The other narrowed his eyes slightly, seeming annoyed.

“I don’t _think_ I’m in love with you. I _know_ ,” he grumbled.

Gwangsoo continued to stare at him in astonished silence as he proceeded to scowl at the TV screen.

Honestly, he wasn’t sure how to react. He wasn’t exactly against homosexuality, he just had never thought about himself being a target of it. Well, _target_ was kind of a harsh word… he never thought another man would love him.

But apparently Jongkook did, if he was to believe what the other had said. And he had no reason _not_ to. He knew the older would never joke about something like that. He took things like love and emotions very seriously.

It all suddenly made sense to Gwangsoo. Jongkook hadn’t grown tired of him. He had tried to figure out what he was feeling. He was sure of it, because he knew his Hyung. He knew the older would rather take a step back in order to think rationally about what he thought he felt, find the evidence he needed to deem it real or not instead of rushing headlong into anything. He had watched him do it many times with other people who had shown an interest in him because he didn’t want to hurt anybody or cause problematic situations. Jongkook might be quick witted, but Gwangsoo had never met anyone more thoughtful and through in consideration of someone else’s feelings than his Hyung.

Which led him to another realization. If Gwangsoo rejected him he would put distance between them as to not make him feel uneasy or forced to keep up appearances.

And he didn’t want that.

He didn’t want Jongkook to stay away just because he thought Gwangsoo was feeling uncomfortable. He had been miserable enough when he thought the other didn’t want to be friends with him anymore and all he wanted to do was to be able to spend time with Jongkook again without it being forced. And – maybe it was short sighted – at the moment Gwangsoo believed that if he did not accept Jongkook’s confession they would barely even speak again except for when they absolutely had to, which was not something he was willing to be the cause of.

So he bit his lip briefly in hesitation before taking a small breath, preparing himself for what he was about to do. He wasn’t sure he _could_ be with another man, but if it were one of his best friends he would try. And besides, he trusted Jongkook more than anyone else of his friends.

“Okay,” he finally said shakily into the heavy silence, trying to give a nonchalant shrug.

Jongkook’s head snapped in his direction and he stared at him disbelievingly.

“ _Okay_ …?”

“Yeah,” Gwangsoo nodded, feeling slightly more confident. He could do this! He’d given small pecks to his friends before, why would this be so much different? “Why not?”

The older stared at him as if he had suddenly grown another head, his usually small eyes as wide as saucers and his entire posture tensing up.

“I don’t think you know what you’re agreeing to,” he said slowly, as if he was talking to a slow four-year-old.

“You want to date me, right?” Gwangsoo answered simply. “And I’m saying it’s okay.”

Jongkook looked as if he had swallowed a toad. He opened and closed his mouth a few times but no sounds came out. The younger waited for him to say something, but when he seemed incapable of coming up with anything coherent he just smiled slightly and leaned forward, pecking the other’s lips gently.

“See? I know what-”

He cut off abruptly as anger flashed in Jongkook’s eyes and he was suddenly pushed back on the couch, the other pinning his arms to the seat cushion while pressing down on him slightly with his heavier body to keep him put. Gwangsoo couldn’t help the small, scared squeak that escaped him and Jongkook grabbed his chin in a vice grip, forcing their eyes to meet as if to imprint every word he was about to say directly into his brain.

“What you _know_ is that I want to take you out, go to restaurants or the movies as just some sort of slightly more intimate friends,” he growled in a dangerously low tone. “But what I _need_ is more. _So_ much more. I want to kiss you deeper, more passionately than the peck you just gave me. I want to have your full attention whenever, wherever, no matter what time of the day it is. I want your smiles to only be for me, your body to be mine and your heart in my hands. I want hours alone with you in bed so I can get to know you so much more intimately than anyone has ever done, learn your every secret and love every part of you – even the ones you don’t like yourself. I want to give you back tenfold of what you give me in terms of love and affection, make you as hung up on me as I am on you and make you _crave_ me like I crave you. So _no_ , you _don’t_ know a _thing_.”

Gwangsoo looked at him in shock, watching hurt, anger, frustration and exasperation shine in the other’s eyes. He couldn’t find his voice as he watched Jongkook’s eyes become slightly moist and felt a guilty pang in his chest, knowing it was his fault.

“I _love_ you, Gwangsoo-yah,” Jongkook whispered as if he was in pain, somehow sounding as if he had given up, before letting go of his wrists and standing up. “See you on set,” he said hoarsely, then hastily made his way out of the room, slamming the apartment door shut behind him as he left and leaving Gwangsoo to stare at the ceiling unseeingly.

This time everything actually _was_ his fault.


End file.
